Former Standford Dean Saw the Pitfalls of Helicopter Parenting

Julie Lythcott-Haims, a former Stanford Dean, has seen students enter the prestigious school for many years. In a Washington Post article, she reported an increased trend of students who were well prepared academically, but ill prepared to take care of themselves. She saw parents who were so concerned with protecting their children from disappointment and failure that they robbed them of developing the skills necessary for adulthood. The focus was on building their academic accolades, not resilience. In the article, Lythcott-Haims argues, "such 'overhelping' might assist children in developing impressive résumés for college admission, but it also robs them of the chance to learn who they are, what they love and how to navigate the world."

Parents feel a lot of pressure to provide their children with every advantage to get into a "good" college. What may have begun as, "I just want my child to be happy," "I want them to develop their own interests," or "Everyone has different strengths," turns into a focus on GPA, number of advanced classes, and whether or not their educational experience looks good on paper. In doing so, parents often fall into the trap of rescuing their kids from making and learning from mistakes, preventing them from achieving their accomplishments on their own, and figuring out what path is right for them.

Parent Tips
1.  Confidence Comes with Experience
Children and teens need to learn how to solve problems through experience. They need to be supported in coming up with the solutions themselves and seeing if they work. The best way to build confidence is for kids to experience making mistakes and knowing they have the skills to fix future mistakes.

2.  Focus on the Process Over the Product
Praise the "process" and effort your child puts toward a task, rather than the outcome, even if the outcome wasn't what he or she expected. Talk about how your child tried to achieve a goal, whether or not it worked.

3.  Strong Grades, Not Good Grades
Talk about whether or not a test score or grade is strong for your particular child in that particular subject. An A may be a strong grade for one child, but a B may be a strong grade for another child who isn't as skilled in that subject area.

4.  Don't Associate Grades with Intelligence
Grades measure academic skill, not intelligence. Some students are more academically gifted than others. However, that does not mean they are more intelligent.


For the complete Washington Post article, follow this link.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/education/wp/2015/10/16/former-stanford-dean-explains-why-helicopter-parenting-is-ruining-a-generation-of-children/

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Yes! It is Okay to Read Your Kids' Texts and Here is Why

Almost every parent we talk to asks us if it is okay to check their kids' texts. We say, "Yes!" Here is why:

1.     Kids need to learn that texts are NEVER private. When they put something in writing and hit "send", it is out there and there is nothing they can do about who sees it. Kids tell us every week of instances when the text recipient promised not to share something they sent, but did. By the way, adult's texts are not totally private either. If someone sends me a text, even on a lock-screen, that text is displayed for everyone to see.

2.    They are learning to take a pause and be considerate in what they write and how they write it. There are many misunderstandings that occur in a text conversation. However, if kids write a text like their parent is looking over their shoulder, they are less likely to impulsively send something they wish they could take back. This is very important for this generation of instant gratification.

3.    They will think about the topics they are texting about. If kids think their parents may see something they text, it requires them to censor themselves. This is very important in a culture of kids where sexting and cyberbullying are common.

What to Tell Your Kids

"I want you to know that your texts are not private. Texting is a tricky thing to learn and there are a lot of ways kids get themselves in trouble for things they write in texts. You have no control over who sees your text once you send it. That is true for anything you put in writing, like emails. I agree 100% that you need privacy. You can have that through voice to voice conversations, either over the phone or in person. I don't want you to ever use texting as a way to communicate private things."

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5 NEW Tips to Prepare Kids for School

Back to School, Ready or Not?

5 Tips Not on Any Other List to Prepare Kids for School

 

Ready or not, the summer is coming to a close and the school year is fast approaching. Some kids are excited to see their friends, others are anxious about the academic and social demands. Whatever position a parent is in when sending kids back to school there are ways to ease the transition.

1.      Set Academic Goals Together

It is the goal of most parents for their children to be a “good student.” It is also the goal for many kids. However, most families don’t talk about the specific expectations until there is trouble. Instead, this year, sit with each child individually and talk about what his or her expectations are for the school year. Ask questions such as, “What grades are you working for?” and “How will you know you are trying your best?” At that point, parents can set their expectations. Include in the discussion, what you expect your children to do when they are not meeting those expectations. For example, if a class is particularly challenging and your child is not meeting the expectations, he or she needs to come to you and let you know with a plan to improve it (meet with teacher, work with tutor, study with you for next test, etc.). You want to promote the idea of being proactive when things are challenging, not waiting until they get in trouble before addressing it.

2.      Develop the Plan for Homework and Morning Routines

From the very start discuss the evening and morning routines. Most parents need time to adjust the new schedules too. Don't wait to figure it out as you go along. Set the family up for success and have a plan ahead of time. Talk about things such as expected times for homework, (this may change as outside activities change, that is okay), bedtimes, wake-up, breakfast, putting backpacks together, leaving for school, etc.

3.      Get the Bedtime Routines Back

As much as your kids resist, it is time to get them back on track with bedtimes. Try to have dinners earlier and wind down for the night at set times. This is just as important for teens as it is for younger kids. For younger kids this may mean re-establishing bath time, reading, and lights out. For all kids this means having them unplug from electronics (including phones) at a set time. Turn off TV, iPads, video games, and phones to allow them to wind down from the stimulation electronics provides.

4.         Talk About a “Check-In Basket”

If you have kids who have electronics in their rooms, it is very tempting to use them after bedtime. If you have teens that bring a phone to bed, chances are they are on it after the light goes out. Checking it in at a designated time can be an important routine to establish, a charging station in the kitchen perhaps.  If it is established from the start, it removes the temptation and establishes a healthy routine.

5.      Plan End of the Summer Fun

Preparing for getting back to school doesn’t have to be all drab. Plan an end of the summer activity with some of your kid’s friends. This is not only fun, but it is a great way for them to reconnect to peers after a summer break. For kids who feel anxious about going back to school, this can be really helpful. Talk to your kids about what they think would be fun. It can be something easy, like a movie and pizza or sleepover with a friend or two. It can also include something like a BBQ, beach day, or park.
 

For more information about Teaching Kids to Think go to our website,

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Teaching Kids to Think was Chosen for a NOOK Book Special

We are so excited that Teaching Kids To Think has been selected by Barnes & Noble to be part of their NOOK Book $2.99 limited time special. This is a great opportunity to get your copy today at an amazing price.

Click here for the NOOK Book Special $2.99

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Teaching Kids to Think Named One of Publisher's Weekly Select 2015 Parenting Titles

We are so pleased to announce that Teaching Kids to Think was named one of Publisher's Weekly Select 2015 Parenting Titles! 

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New Study Showed Banning Cell Phones at School Increased Test Scores

A new study conducted in England showed banning cell phones at school increased test scores. Interestingly, it also showed that it had an even stronger impact on lower performing students.

Tell us what you think.

http://money.cnn.com/2015/05/18/technology/smartphones-schools-ban/index.html

 
 



 



For more information about Teaching Kids to Think go to our website, www.teachingkidstothink.com
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See Our KPBS Interviews About Free Range Parenting

We were happy to accept the invitation back to KPBS to discuss the issue of Free Range Parenting. This has been a topic addressed by parents around the country with differing opinions across the board. In Teaching Kids to Think we discuss the essential opportunities for practice that are missed when children are not provided the chance to play, interact with others, and solve problems away from the watchful eye of an adult. Especially in this generation, parents need to find times for their children to do this. At the same time, it is important to always consider the developmental level, maturity, and history of practice for each child, as well as the safety of the environment.

As you will hear in these interviews, we feel it is important not to make any wide-sweeping judgments based on limited information. As with anything else, there is a spectrum of freedoms that can be offered with "Free Range" type parenting. For one family it may start with observing their child play at a park from afar, while another family may feel it is safe for their child to go the park alone. A child's safety is always the priority. A child doesn't have to ride the bus unaccompanied or walk to the park alone to be given chances for independent problem-solving. We provide many examples in the book of different levels of freedom that can provide similar experiences. The key is to seek out those experiences, and often.

For further discussion listen to the Midday Edition radio and Evening Edition TV interviews by following the link below.

http://www.kpbs.org/news/2015/may/05/free-range-vs-helicopter-whats-best-kids-and-what-/