Back to School, Ready or Not

Back to School, Ready or Not?

5 Tips Not on Any Other List to Prepare Kids for School

 

Ready or not, the summer is coming to a close and the school year is fast approaching. Some kids are excited to see their friends, others are anxious about the academic and social demands. Whatever position a parent is in when sending kids back to school, there are ways to ease the transition.

1.      Set Academic Goals Together

It is the goal of most parents for their children to be a “good student.” It is also the goal for many kids. However, most families don’t talk about the specific expectations until there is trouble. Instead, this year, sit with each child individually and talk about what his or her expectations are for the school year. Ask questions such as, “What grades are you working for?” and “How will you know you are trying your best?” At that point, parents can set their expectations. Include in the discussion, what you expect your children to do when they are not meeting those expectations. For example, if a class is particularly challenging and your child is not meeting the expectations, he or she needs to come to you and let you know with a plan to improve it (meet with teacher, work with tutor, study with you for next test, etc.). You want to promote the idea of being proactive when things are challenging, not waiting until they get in trouble before addressing it.

2.      Develop the Plan for Homework and Morning Routines

From the very start discuss the evening and morning routines. Most parents need time to adjust the new schedules too. Don't wait to figure it out as you go along. Set the family up for success and have a plan ahead of time. Talk about things such as expected times for homework, (this may change as outside activities change, that is okay), bedtimes, wake-up, breakfast, putting backpacks together, leaving for school, etc.

3.      Get the Bedtime Routines Back

As much as your kids resist, it is time to get them back on track with bedtimes. Try to have dinners earlier and wind down for the night at set times. This is just as important for teens as it is for younger kids. For younger kids this may mean re-establishing bath time, reading, and lights out. For all kids this means having them unplug from electronics (including phones) at a set time. Turn off TV, iPads, video games, and phones to allow them to wind down from the stimulation electronics provides.

4.         Talk About a “Check-In Basket”

If you have kids who have electronics in their rooms, it is very tempting to use them after bedtime. If you have teens that bring a phone to bed, chances are they are on it after the light goes out. Checking it in at a designated time can be an important routine to establish, a charging station in the kitchen perhaps.  If it is established from the start, it removes the temptation and establishes a healthy routine.

5.      Plan End of the Summer Fun

Preparing for getting back to school doesn’t have to be all drab. Plan an end of the summer activity with some of your kid’s friends. This is not only fun, but it is a great way for them to reconnect to peers after a summer break. For kids who feel anxious about going back to school, this can be really helpful. Talk to your kids about what they think would be fun. It can be something easy, like a movie and pizza or sleepover with a friend or two. It can also include something like a BBQ, beach day, or park.
 

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Old Fashioned Summer Fun

How many times have you talked about summer memories that included being outside, riding bikes, and playing tag with friends?  We find that our kids wake up and hit the couch, to which they are happy to stay if there are no other plans. When we suggest they call a friend or find something to do, they respond with an, "okay", but don't move.

We understand that it is summer and our kids need their down time. Everyone deserves to be lazy at times. But, with this generation of kids, their phones and electronics suck them in and the time passes without them even realizing it. We found a series written in the New York Times to change that pattern.

Check out this article by New York Times Well Family journalist KJ Del'Antonia. She poses an "intentional summer challenge" that invites families to bring back old fashioned fun. She poses a new challenge each week.

The New York Times Intentional Summer Challenge


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Teaching Kids to Think Won Silver Award

We are so excited to share that Teaching Kids to Think won the Silver Award from the Nonfiction Book Awards! 

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School that Banned Cell Phones Saw Test Scores Go Up

In a classroom observation this week I sat in the back of the class and saw students texting, shopping, playing games and looking at YouTube. When there was a break in discussion over half the students looked at their phones. I am in the classroom a lot, and this is not uncommon. I observe private and public schools, small and large schools, traditional and non-traditional schools. The pattern is the same. When teens have a free moment, it is an automatic response for most of them to look at their phone.

It is not surprising that a study completed at the London School of Economics and Political Science showed a significant increase in test scores for schools that banned cell phones. They found "schools that didn’t allow students to carry cell phones saw overall test scores go up by 6.4 percent. More specifically, the students who didn’t perform well increased their test scores by 14 percent after these bans went into effect (2015)." In addition, the authors reported, "banning phones for these students equivalent to an additional hour a week in school, or to increasing the school year by five days.”

While I see the issue of distractions caused by cell phones in the classroom as a pervasive problem across schools, I do see a difference depending on the teacher's policy. In classrooms with teachers who have a rule that no phones will be out during class, I see the distractions much less frequently. In fact, students are more respectful about asking to use their phone to take a picture of notes on the board or a homework assignment. The students are more engaged in discussion and are thoughtful in their answers to questions, rather than looking to Google to give them the answers.

The research by Beland and Murphy is powerful and shows the magnetic affect cell phones have to many teenagers' (and adults') attention. It can significantly impact their learning and performance in school. At the same time, my experience showed me that teachers have a lot of power in the classroom to change the focus to the essential information being taught in the classroom.

For the whole study go to:
ARTICLE: Communication: Technology, Distraction & Student Performance

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Check Out Our New Article in Boston Parents Paper

Raise Confident and Thoughtful Children: Avoid 5 Common Parenting Traps

Check out the article we wrote about raising confident and thoughtful children that was printed by Boston Parents Paper. 

Link to Teaching Kids to Think's article in Boston Parents Paper

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Former Standford Dean Saw the Pitfalls of Helicopter Parenting

Julie Lythcott-Haims, a former Stanford Dean, has seen students enter the prestigious school for many years. In a Washington Post article, she reported an increased trend of students who were well prepared academically, but ill prepared to take care of themselves. She saw parents who were so concerned with protecting their children from disappointment and failure that they robbed them of developing the skills necessary for adulthood. The focus was on building their academic accolades, not resilience. In the article, Lythcott-Haims argues, "such 'overhelping' might assist children in developing impressive résumés for college admission, but it also robs them of the chance to learn who they are, what they love and how to navigate the world."

Parents feel a lot of pressure to provide their children with every advantage to get into a "good" college. What may have begun as, "I just want my child to be happy," "I want them to develop their own interests," or "Everyone has different strengths," turns into a focus on GPA, number of advanced classes, and whether or not their educational experience looks good on paper. In doing so, parents often fall into the trap of rescuing their kids from making and learning from mistakes, preventing them from achieving their accomplishments on their own, and figuring out what path is right for them.

Parent Tips
1.  Confidence Comes with Experience
Children and teens need to learn how to solve problems through experience. They need to be supported in coming up with the solutions themselves and seeing if they work. The best way to build confidence is for kids to experience making mistakes and knowing they have the skills to fix future mistakes.

2.  Focus on the Process Over the Product
Praise the "process" and effort your child puts toward a task, rather than the outcome, even if the outcome wasn't what he or she expected. Talk about how your child tried to achieve a goal, whether or not it worked.

3.  Strong Grades, Not Good Grades
Talk about whether or not a test score or grade is strong for your particular child in that particular subject. An A may be a strong grade for one child, but a B may be a strong grade for another child who isn't as skilled in that subject area.

4.  Don't Associate Grades with Intelligence
Grades measure academic skill, not intelligence. Some students are more academically gifted than others. However, that does not mean they are more intelligent.


For the complete Washington Post article, follow this link.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/education/wp/2015/10/16/former-stanford-dean-explains-why-helicopter-parenting-is-ruining-a-generation-of-children/

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Yes! It is Okay to Read Your Kids' Texts and Here is Why

Almost every parent we talk to asks us if it is okay to check their kids' texts. We say, "Yes!" Here is why:

1.     Kids need to learn that texts are NEVER private. When they put something in writing and hit "send", it is out there and there is nothing they can do about who sees it. Kids tell us every week of instances when the text recipient promised not to share something they sent, but did. By the way, adult's texts are not totally private either. If someone sends me a text, even on a lock-screen, that text is displayed for everyone to see.

2.    They are learning to take a pause and be considerate in what they write and how they write it. There are many misunderstandings that occur in a text conversation. However, if kids write a text like their parent is looking over their shoulder, they are less likely to impulsively send something they wish they could take back. This is very important for this generation of instant gratification.

3.    They will think about the topics they are texting about. If kids think their parents may see something they text, it requires them to censor themselves. This is very important in a culture of kids where sexting and cyberbullying are common.

What to Tell Your Kids

"I want you to know that your texts are not private. Texting is a tricky thing to learn and there are a lot of ways kids get themselves in trouble for things they write in texts. You have no control over who sees your text once you send it. That is true for anything you put in writing, like emails. I agree 100% that you need privacy. You can have that through voice to voice conversations, either over the phone or in person. I don't want you to ever use texting as a way to communicate private things."

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